Now don’t get me wrong … and I wouldn’t wish this on anybody; but going on what we hear all around us the wonder is that half the women in the country heading for a night out aren’t exiting the house pure naked – or at best scantily clad. I am told this is the story in the houses of most my male friends – but I can only report with accuracy on Casa Comaskey; and how we have come so close on many occasions to only one of us going out fully dressed.
You see, get invited to a wedding, party, night out, or even a family gathering and the initial response … directed in my direction is always the same, ‘I have nothing to wear …’ Yes, I know it is the same in your abodes, Lads … but there is no point in all of us getting in trouble for speaking out – so leave it to me this time. We are nothing here in YCBS if we are not honest and accurate – so I have to voice my life-long bafflement with all the contradictions associated with this dilemma. It might be going an inch too far should I suggest that the dilemma wasn’t having nothing to wear, but more to do with a woman’s right to change her mind … even if that is every five minutes … but we’ll leave that one there …
There are just the two of us living in this house and at last count we own seven wardrobes and built-in presses along with several clothes rails. These are all full despite the fact that my entire personal few duds would fit in one of the smallest of these clothes centres. The horizontal hanging rod with all the hangers is bowing slightly in the middle in each wardrobe. See where this is going ….? And one of us never has ‘anything to wear…!’
I saw an opportunity to better my botheration a couple of years back. Let me tell you about it …
After we were evicted from our long-term settlement in Graftonstown, we packed up out tent and headed for Irishtown. Great opportunity to de-clutter and fill the charity shops with clothes I thought. With the best will in the world (my will) folks, we did little more than put a dent in the dilemma.
Calling a spade a spade and the fact that it might be sometimes overlooked that I, fear an tÍ, might feel the need to tart himself up the odd time before going out; I made an executive decision and issued an executive order. One wardrobe was going to be mine and mine alone going forward. I picked one in a spare room at the furthest point from any full-length mirror. After 55 years of co-habiting, the time had finally come where I was going to assert myself. If you are wondering how that went, all I can say is that I’m sorry I forgot to put a padlock on my wardrobe.
Mrs Youcantbeserious is not the only woman I have ever heard complaining about ‘having nothing to wear’. But … and I wish for all the Gorls to take note of this; during my entire lifetime I have never once heard a man say, ‘I have nothing to wear.’ Explain please …
‘I have nothing to wear’, my always-elegant wife announced again last week after we had been invited to meet a gathering of family and friends. This time I decided to take a stand, state the obvious and rest my case. ‘What is wrong with the half dozen wardrobes full of your clothes all over the house’, I asked … as I thought ‘Gottcha’ to myself.’ Neither her expression nor the tone of her voice changed an iota as she came back with; ‘I have nothing that will fit me!’
Then just like magic she lands out in something ‘that will do’, only to reverse her decision a few moments later and step out in an entirely different rigout. This is where it gets tricky for the husband and you have to be more careful than Valadymyr Zelenskyy in the Oval Office.
‘Which one will I wear’, is the penultimate ceist. Get this one right and there is only one hurdle to go. You will know from how she strokes her two hips up and down in front of the mirror which is her favourite and with your face glowing you proclaim, ‘that looks perfect on you.’ One ceist to go …
‘Does my (mentioning a certain part of the female body) look big in this?’ The correct … in fact the only answer for you is; ‘If I didn’t know for sure you had one I’d never have guessed in that outfit….’
And so now off we go … only forty minutes late …
Don’t Forget
If you don’t claim too much wisdom, people will give you credit for more than you have.
