‘This place is gone to the dogs …’
You will find it hard to believe what I am about to tell you. In fact, only for you are reading it in YCBS, you wouldn’t believe it at all. The first fact is that the world has gone mad and totally ‘gone to the dogs.’
A luxury airline has been launched to cater specifically for pampered poodles and other pooches of good breeding … one assumes. The first two routes have been announced, both flying out of New York. Your madra can fly (1st class of course) to London for a mere $8,000 or to Las Angelus for a pittance at $6,000 all included. Oh, it is worth mentioning that one human companion can travel with one dog totally free of charge. On board, the dogs are treated as high-ranking VIPs with ‘doggy champagne’ (made from chicken bone broth), enjoy spa treatments and be entertained by relaxing reggae music.
No folks, this is not a joke. We have written way OTT April Fools Jokes in the past, but this is not 1st April and this is not a joke. The world is gone to the dogs …
A promotional video on ‘Bark Air’ shows a dog eating food from a silver dome. Flight entertainment includes a doggy film, showing what looks to me like a squirrel eating a nut. The passengers get ‘wings’ attached to their collars and can lap spring water from a cut-glass bowl. They or their human travel companion can press an overhead button for a belly rub, or hairdryer blow-out after a grooming session. I don’t know about you, dear reader; but I have to say it again, or burst. The world is gone mad!
In order to insure that that proper decorum and doggy dignity is maintained on board, no humans under the age of 18 are permitted on the flight. No carriers, crates or leads are required. I forgot to mention that pre-boarding the doggie passengers get the opportunity to mix and socialise and generally get to know each other. ‘Bark Air’ advertises the toys and treats that the dogs will receive on the flight and uses the word ‘surprises’ more than once. The word ‘surprise’ reminded me of another true story regarding one of my grandchildren … and I would guess there are many such ‘surprises’ in store from the hovering hounds.
Jack was being potty-trained -highly praised and rewarded each time he did it in the potty. A ‘number two’ deposited where it should be was an act worthy of celebration. This was known as ‘a surprise!’ Mrs Youcantbeserious, known to our six grandchildren as ‘Papam,’ was baby-sitting and busy besides, when Jack came running excitedly to inform her he had a ‘surprise’ in his potty. Papam, in the middle of something else, didn’t go immediately to empty the ‘surprise’ and it slipped her mind. An hour later, Jack called her again … excitedly asking that she look at his potty. ‘I know Jack … well done, I know you have a surprise in your potty.’ ‘No Papam … come quick … I have two surprises in it now!’
I have a hunch that the mile-high hounds, with no leads, no carriers, no hutches and the freedom of the aeroplane will be leaving many such ‘surprises’ on board. The tail wagging the dog doesn’t do this report justice. Check it out for yourself on; air.bark.co
Now, don’t get me wrong – as the man says before he tells you something you don’t want to hear. I like dogs … same as with people, I have liked a lot of dogs in my time, and loved a few.
But, I firmly believe that it has gotten to the stage where a sizable proportion of what were once ordinary people are now using their dog to compensate for a lack of connection with another human. The Internet and social media provides a base interaction and the dog can be cuddled without leaving oneself open to feelings towards another man or woman.
I have this image stuck in my mind: There is this guy I know to see in Spain for a long time. A good-looking,’6 footer’, maybe 50 years of age now: He failed miserably in every relationship he had with the opposite sex. Now, he comes into the pub, with a big eegits grin on his face and a rat-sized dog cradled in his arm. Everybody is expected to ooh and aah over the dog wearing the dickie-bow.
We have written previously about the benefits of having a pet – especially a dog. But there are dogs, and there are dogs. Over the past couple of years I have never seen so many kickable dogs taking up human spaces.
Would any of you happen to know how they are fixed for dogs in Rwanda? (Just asking for a friend!)
Don’t Forget
Neutrality is the most extremist stance of all: without it tyranny cannot flourish. *From Joseph O’Connor’s book; ‘My Father’s House’ (Attributed to Father Hugh O’Flaherty)
