Because I have a couple of good friends and a wife’s nephew who is one; I am slow about coming right out and saying what I think about solicitors. Half my cousins in America are lawyers – but sher what else would you be doing in that country! So, I’ll leave the salient summing up of the legal profession to my late cousin, James O’Donnell, in his own words: “When the revolution comes, the first people that will be put up against the wall and shot, will be solicitors and barristers!”
One of my favourite solicitor friends tells me that her father always said; “If you want law you go to court, if you want justice, you find another way!” Whilst solicitors have done great work for me over the years, I have also been the victim of how the legal game is played: and it is ‘played.’ A contest with scores coming by way of technicalities, fear of costs, brinkmanship, loopholes and ‘points of law’ that were never intended to be applied in certain types of matches.
Winning is all that matters, there are no rules regarding certain truths and what is right or wrong doesn’t always have a bearing on the final result. (Just ask the Corbett family this week.) If the same players lacked the same honour on the golf course – nobody would go 18 holes with them!
What brought on this outburst, I hear a shout from the public gallery? Well, a story I read in a newspaper over the weekend triggered it off … and maybe, deep down, I always fancied myself ‘doing law!’
A man by the name of Brian Mwenda has been arrested in Kenya for passing himself off as a lawyer. Mr Mwenda has no legal training whatever, but always wanted to do it and believed he was as good as those who did the degree and apprenticeship. He is now at the mercy of the law he illegally set himself to practice. The Law Society of Kenya has roundly condemned the ‘masquerader’ – but if we may once again quote what Mandy Rice Davis said to the judge; ‘they would, wouldn’t they!’
But the country is divided on the issue – and with good reason. The Kenya Central Organisation of Trade Unions has a very different take on Mr Mwenda than that of the Law Society.
You see, of the 28 cases that this fake lawyer took on after setting up his practice, he won all of them! “A brilliant young mind who made it without traditional qualifications”, said another backer representing a commercial organisation.
Can you argue with indisputable facts and unquestionable results? I rest my case, M’lud …
The legal profession is not the only profession where a fake slipped in by the side door. Dr Idowu Adeboro used falsely authenticated documents in order to be registered with the Irish Medical Council. He also provided false references and a false employment history. Well … he sort of had to, hadn’t he? The fitness-to-practice committee sorted it out eventually.
“I just wanted to be a guard”, said Robert O’Shea , when he appeared at Dublin District Court on charges of stealing a garda uniform and impersonating a member of An Garda Siochana at Main St, Lucan. Bail was refused, so Robert is still off duty.
“People felt that God was in the room when he was up at the pulpit preaching.” So said members of Father Ryan’s congregations, across the Midwest of the United States. Father Ryan preached and profited in America for 30 years. As if this wasn’t bad enough, he was ‘found to have a child conceived out of wedlock.’ The only training or vocation that ‘Fr Ryan’ undertook was when he was called upon to serve mass as a boy!
A teacher who falsified certificates about his teaching qualifications in order to be able to work in Ireland, admitted to an enquiry that he got ‘caught up in a terrible web of lies.’ The fake teacher blamed the UK Teaching Regulation Agency and said he was the victim of a scam by the TRA. The Irish Teaching Council didn’t buy his story and he was sent home to do his homework.
So now you see, dear readers; all you have to do is own a computer and printer and you can become anything you want to be. Come to think of it, I would make a great newspaper editor. I’ll cook up certificates, degrees, work records and references on this laptop. I have already learned how some of it works; such as how to say no when any unfortunate poor hack asks for a raise.
What’s the worst that can happen to me if I’m caught out? I have no worries on being charged with fraud, deception and falsification. My ace in the hole is that I know that Brian Mwenda will win my case and get me off Scott free!
Don’t Forget
The only person who really enjoys listening to your troubles is a solicitor.
