Our World Deserves a Golden Globe Award
Our World Deserves a Golden Globe Award

Answer me this if you can, I’ll treat whatever you say as gospel.  Why doesn’t our sun, which floats in space a mere 150 million kilometers from Earth, which is 93 million miles post-Brexit, heat the whole planet equally?

We are situated, after all, in a region of infinity scientists refer to as the “Goldilocks Zone,” meaning it is perfect for life, or mine anyway.  Our big red solar heater provides some areas with almost permanent sunshine, while the extreme poles, for example, remain cold all year round.  The Poles also have fairly extreme winters, I believe.  Goldilocks, of course, was a Scottish girl who insisted her porridge be just the right temperature.

Global warming has become a problem, and I’m glad you mentioned that.  The current rise in calefaction affecting our air and oceans is the result of humans burning coal (when did you last do that?) and cutting down forests.  I’m still not guilty, are you?  I can’t say I found the sea any warmer when I jumped into it from my local pier last New Year’s Day.  Apparently Greenland is melting into the sea, so that might be slowing things down a bit.

It is interesting to think that if global warming had come along sooner, Napoleon’s Russian Campaign might not have foundered in the wintry conditions it encountered.  Had Boney’s army triumphed, War and Peace would have become ‘Guerre et Paix”, pardon my French.  Crime and Punishment might simply have been one word: “Guillotine!”  And by now, broiling oceans could have seen fish arriving ready-cooked on the plate next to your chips.  Talk about fast food.

It is the world I feel sorry for.  For the longest time, we completely misunderstood our planet and what we were doing to it.  Unselfishly, it provided us with food and shelter and warmth and interesting geography for our holidays, and we depleted its forests, ramped up the heat, and added tomato ketchup to almost all the food.  And concreted over lots of its finest geography.

Now seems the time to do something about it.  And what I suggest is that we should award our wonderful planet some sort of prize, a certificate of recognition if you like, for the way it has always taken care of us.  I think our world deserves a Golden Globe Award, hands up all who agree.

According to The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, there is a restaurant at the end of the universe, and that sounds like a suitable venue for such a red carpet (or flying carpet) event.  Our Big Blue Marble certainly represents the gold standard by which all others must be judged.  I would like to point out in closing that I am available for hosting and presenting duties.  I also believe we ought to reintroduce the former Golden Globe category ‘New Star of the Year’.  I’ll have an acceptance speech ready, just in case.